Just read Danny Gregory’s Everyday Matters. Makes me feel kinda small because I’ve had a pretty lousy day. Gregory writes/draws about the time after his wife’s accident, when they were adjusting to her being paralyzed from the waist down. It helps to put my issues in perspective and yet, they still feel so HUGE when I’m in the middle of them.
Felt harassed all day and my son is already causing problems at school and it’s only been 14 days of classes! You’d think after all these years he’d know how to play the game but I get the same phone call I got when he was six: “he won’t shut up, he’s disrespectful, he just does the bare minimum. What can I do about this?”
“Hmm.” I tell the teacher, “if I had a solution, don’t you think I’d have implemented it 10 years ago?” My biggest fear is that we’ll be doing this 10 years from now–what if he shows up on my door wanting money or to stay because he’s called in sick for the 100th time and been fired? This is what I project for my future with him and it scares me and makes me so angry because I don’t know what to do now to avoid this.
“The most painful things for me are the fabrications of my mind. What matters is not the prognostications and navel gazing, the theorizing and projecting, the what-ifs and the what-thens. What matters is today; all of the richness of my life seen as it really is and in 360 degrees. There is beauty in hospital waiting rooms, and I have seen it. There is beauty in funeral homes and cemeteries, and I have seen it, too. So many things happened to me that I never expected. And the bad things that I lived in dread of turned out quite differently than I thought. Life can only do to you what you let it.” Danny Gregory